The Multiple Journals: Multiple personality disorder from a child abuse survivor/artist.

"It is all there is."

(From a letter to our therapist the night before we leave for the hospital where we will be diagnosed with DID/MPD)

Sometimes I have nothing to hold onto but faith that I will survive~again.

Sometimes, it was safer to go away~almost gone, almost with God, almost dead. Just, away. Not breathing, not in the world, not in the body.

Suspended in time and space, in the arms of the universe.

It is the quiet~ the peace~ the lack of everything.

It is the moment before you take your next breath. You are the sound in your own ear. You are the heaving chest of God. You are riding on a moment that will last forever. It is all there is.

I go there. The world is too much, too big, too loud. The world does not hold me. My mother does not hold me. The world hates me.

We are too young to be so sad, so hurt, so alone, so dying.

We are alone.

J.C. 12/94